


Lonely Souls Confide

by IllogicalLogician



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Captain Kirk - Freeform, Space Husbands, Spock - Freeform, Star Trek - Freeform, Star Trek: The Original Series - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-07 20:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllogicalLogician/pseuds/IllogicalLogician
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock and Jim relate with one another when it comes to the inherent loneliness of space travel. On a sleepless night, they confide with one another and cuddle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lonely Souls Confide

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first Star Trek fic I have written, though it was done a while ago last summer. I originally posted it on my LiveJournal account, and since I have started an account on Ao3 I wanted to post another piece of writing I had done.
> 
> I really love Star Trek, and I thought about how lonely Captain Kirk must be, because every time he finds a woman he loves, he has to leave or they die. He must have a very lonely soul. The one constant that stays in his life are his crew and the Enterprise, and I love the pairing of Spock and Kirk. 
> 
> With that, I leave you to read my fic. :)

Kirk woke from a restless dream state, vivid memories of the last mission still burdening his consciousness. Such innocent souls had been lost. He turned and sighed at the emptiness that surrounded him. He was the captain of the starship, _Enterprise_. Always to be strong, to keep his head up to keep any lost soul together, through peace and crisis. Others looked up to him as being strong, a bold and brave leader. He'd mastered such a face long ago, even when he felt at the greatest loss. Kirk had even begun to believe himself on occasion. He felt triumphant.

With every planet that they went to, every civilization they had discovered, Kirk had hoped to gain some sort of solace with the people that dwelled there. His heart broke each time they had to leave, to boldly trek across the galaxy in Starfleet's peacekeeping mission. Kirk wanted-- needed some form of grounding. Someone he could confide in, someone he could love and cherish and keep in his life. He wanted someone to be there to hold him when he was at his weakest, within the darkest confines of his soul.

He could resign from Starfleet, yes. However Kirk felt an undying and unrelenting bond, a passion for what he was doing, his ship and all of its crew. He couldn't possibly leave them. Not after all they had been through, together.

Kirk sighed again as he sat up and rubbed his tired eyes. There was nothing he wanted more than the comfort and security of someone's warm embrace. He threw his legs over the side of his bed and glanced at the clock. It was still a few hours before his shift of duty. Kirk got up and pulled on the top to his sleeping attire. Jim smirked-- they seemed so outdated, so old. They were flannel, the top and the bottom matching in pattern. Vertical gray stripes covered the white material. They reminded Jim of things he'd seen in the 20th century. Jim stretched and made his way out of his quarters.

As he reached the turbolift, Jim spoke.

“Observation deck.” He grabbed one of the handholds in the turbolift. On the observation deck, it served one a panoramic view of the stars. Very humbling, the view of space had a very tranquil feel. Jim stepped onto the deck as the turbolift reached its destination. Jim walked to one of the enormous windows, and pulled up a chair. So vast it was, there was so much out there, so much to be discovered. The thought of space was near tantalizing, or so it had been, to Jim. He thought of what Bones had told him the first time they met. _“Space is disease and danger, wrapped in silence, and darkness._ ” Jim smirked. The cynicism of his best friend never ceased to give Jim a little perspective. No matter the slander Bones made, Jim always had to let himself a brief smile. With every planet they had been to, all the dangers they beheld, Jim almost agreed with this statement. He shuddered. What if, with all of the thousands of stars, galaxies, planets, there was no one to be with, to love, to be kept safe by? Were they all truly alone?

“I see you have been restless, Captain.” Jim jumped. He hadn't heard the turbolift while in his inner thoughts. He turned to the sound of the voice he could have distinguished from anything.

“Spock. You seem to be just as sleepless as I am.” Jim looked over his friend. He had on his black undershirt and a pair of sleeping pants similar to his, but they were dark blue and plaid. His hair was ruffled, as if he'd been twisting and turning in the wake of a bad dream. Jim found it hard to think of Spock in anything other than his uniform. He'd always seemed so formal.

“Indeed, it appears so.” Spock curtly nodded. With his hands behind his back, he crossed the room and stood next to Jim. “May I join you?”

“By all means.” Jim smiled. If there was anyone's company he cherished, it was Spock's. There was a moment of silence. Jim tentatively looked up to Spock, and Spock's gaze drifted to Jim. Spock seemed to smile. The corners of his mouth tilted upward the slightest of angles. The thought of Spock trying to smile made Jim laugh, nervously.

“May I inquire as to what you find amusing, captain?” Spock raised an eyebrow. Jim got out his last chuckle.

“I uh...nothing, I just... I've realized how much I enjoy... such a familiar face's company.”

“I see.” Jim could see Spock wanted him to elaborate, however he said nothing. How careful Spock was. He was a good friend. The best Jim had ever had, in fact.

“And what brings you to the observation deck at such a late hour?” Spock inquired further.

“I suppose the same thing that brought you here. Sleeplessness.” Jim looked up to Spock and offered a comforting smile.

“I find myself to be troubled. Though...there is no specific means by which I am disturbed. I simply cannot sleep. Is that your same ailment, Captain?” Jim stood and took a place next to Spock. Spock was always a little taller than him, but standing Jim at least felt a certain levelness with Spock.

“I find myself...wondering.” He let his sentence trail off as he looked blankly out to space. “What my life will be like, with this path I've chosen. If I'll ever find... a companion. Or if... I'll die alone.” Jim could feel Spock tense beside him. Jim looked to him, though Spock's calm Vulcan demeanor stayed the same as it always was.

“I too...wonder the same thing for myself, on occasion.” Spock looked down. Jim turned his head in curiosity.

“Spock...you...”

“Jim. I, like any other living thing, wish to find some sort of companionship in my lifetime. Though, due to my half-human heritage, the process and impulses are slightly less...logical than the true Vulcan way.”

“As I recall, you follow such ways.” Jim looked to Spock. Spock was looking out into space beyond. Jim studied him. Never had his eyes seemed such a deep, liquid brown. The Vulcan's smooth, green-tinged skin had never seemed so lush, perfect. Spock's slanted eyebrows were raised a little, as if he were...emotionally vulnerable. Spock looked to the captain, and gave him an amused smirk.

“I do believe you are staring, Captain.” Jim looked away quickly.

“I...um. I was just... lost, in a thought. You happened to be where I was looking when such a thought enthralled me.”

“Hmm. What about?”

“Pardon?”

“What about were you thinking?” Jim paused a moment before responding.

“Life. You know, we visit planet, after planet, and what do we find? A civilization that is in tumult, or needs some kind of help. All of these billions of people or aliens we find, not one of them stays in our lives.” Jim's voice sounded of desperation. Even in the presence of his closest officer, his closest friend, Jim had never felt so alone.

“Jim.” Spock was facing Jim now. He put his hands on Jim's shoulders. “Jim, you never have to feel alone. It is... illogical considering you are surrounded by people...all of the time.” Even through his cold, calculated logic, Spock's voice was soft. His hands felt warm against Jim's shoulders.

“Spock.”

“Captain. I... I am here for you, whenever you need consolation. As I know you are for me.” Spock's eyes were sincere, and caring. Jim was warmed and comforted more than he had been in a while. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around Spock, feeling the slender curvature of his body, the warmth it emanated. Jim was expecting Spock to retaliate, to reject him, but Spock's arms wrapped around Jim too. He breathed a sigh of relief. He no longer felt alone. To further Jim's surprise, as he was about to pull out of their embrace when he felt the soft pressure of Spock's lips against the top of his head. For an instant, he questioned the Vulcan's motives. What in the name of heaven...love, lust was illogical, wasn't it? Spock sensed Jim's alarm and swiftly pulled away, his face flushing an emerald shade of green.

“Spock, I...” The sight of Spock blushing made Jim laugh.

“Captain, I am terribly sorry for my misconduct.” Spock said quickly, and he hastily put his hands behind his back and went to walk out of the room.

“Wait, Spock!” Jim jumped after him and grabbed his arm gently. Spock turned, a mix of excitement and shame on his face. Jim hugged him, and put his lips to Spock's. Spock put his arms around Jim, and ran his slender fingers through his hair. Jim had never felt so secure in someone's arms before. Spock's body heat was illuminating in the frigid night air of the observation deck. Jim clung to Spock, afraid he'd lose such a comforting feeling. Spock's lips were smooth compared to the chapped skin of Jim's. Such a pleasant feeling he had never experienced. Spock's embrace was strong, though gentle. After a few seemingly endless minutes of intertwining fingers with hair, tongue with tongue, and a blissful silence, the two released their embrace. Without thinking, Jim spoke.

“Come with me, back to my quarters.”

“Jim, I...” Spock sounded near breathless.

“Please.” Jim's voice was pleading. Spock nodded, his eyes still livid with a sense of passion. The two linked hands and made their way to the turbolift. They made their way to Jim's quarters in silence. After his door slid shut, Spock spoke.

“Jim, I hardly think that having sexual relations with one's upper in command is wise.”

“Spock, you just...we kissed. I'm not looking for sex, not tonight. Just someone to...love. Someone to be there. You said you would be, for me. I just don't want to sleep alone again.” Jim took Spock's hands. After seeing the Captain's eagerness, Spock wrapped his arms around Jim's waist, and smiled. They made their way to the bed. Once there, they huddled under the covers, their arms intertwined. Jim put his head on Spock's chest as they lay. Spock twirled his fingers in Jim's hair. Jim closed his eyes, and felt the rhythmic, even tempo of Spock's breathing. The light beating of his heart and the gentle rise and fall of his chest gently lulled Jim to sleep. Spock slowly curled around Jim's form, once again giving him a light kiss on the top of his head, Jim's wavy, luscious hair feeling like a cloud beneath Spock's lips. He felt the contentedness Jim had fallen asleep with. He smiled. A true, pure and warming smile crossed his lips. As if Jim felt it too, he smiled in his slumber.

“Goodnight, Jim.” Spock said softly. Spock laid his head down as well, to welcome the grasp of sleep. Both of them would fall asleep feeling safe, loved, completely and entirely in the arms of one another and their companionship. Whatever the rest of the universe held, it didn't matter. With one another, they were whole.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading!
> 
> As I was combing through it for grammatical, spelling, and formatting errors I noticed something that I was always kind of suspicious of in Star Trek's fanon, but I wrote it in anyway
> 
> I mention that Spock's body heat feels warm to Jim, implying that Spock's body temperature is naturally higher.  
> I have since learned that that is not true, since Vulcan's climate is so hot and dry, Vulcan's have a naturally cooler body temperature than humans. Therefore, Spock would feel colder to Jim's touch.
> 
> But
> 
> Spock being warmer is a nice thing to think about whilst he cuddles, so I kept it in. Future fics of mine will be biologically accurate to Vulcans, rest assured.


End file.
